When it feels like your life has run its course

Disconnection, dissatisfaction, a lack of foresight…these are all symptomatic of a sense that our lives have reached a point of stagnation. This feeling can be extremely uncomfortable and can lead to a complete shift in perspective – that to a sense that our life has run its course. That all of our achievements brought us to this point but that we can proceed no further. Obstacles, daily struggles, a lack of motivation, disappointments and few opportunities can build up till we can see no further than our current circumstances.

Society tells us that in order to be considered successful, you need to reach the right goals at the right time in your life. That there is no room for stagnation and constant recognizable progression is the only way to measure your success in life. Staying in education, getting married, having kids, buying a house, having savings, having a career…and having all of this before you are 40; this is what society deems is the mark of a successful person and not having this denotes you as lacking in some way. Instagram, TikTok and YouTube host influencers that perpetuate this lie that it’s so easy to be successful and have everything all figured out, sometimes even before you are in your 30’s. This is a very toxic ideology. True, there are many people who have become very successful at a very young age but there is a factor that need to be considered here. These people probably came from wealthy families; meaning they most likely lived in a high socio-economic area, had access to the best education and were nurtured for success.

A good start in life is no guarantee of future success but when we look at data collated by the OECD in their 2018 PISA report, it found that socio-economically advantaged students performed better in PISA than disadvantaged students. They stated that inequality and low social mobility threatens long-term growth [Cingano, 2014]. This was measured across 23 countries and found that students from a socio-economically advantaged background outperformed students from disadvantaged backgrounds. When we consider this on a micro level within one country, it’s not a stretch to see that people who begin life with access to the best level of education and enrichment outperform those who don’t, and this can affect their prospects in life.

Beyond academia, we are faced with everything that basic education does not prepare you for: bills, credit, self-parenting…what people call ‘adulting’. So when you are faced with the obstacles and stumbling blocks that life throws at you, it’s easy to feel that life has nothing to offer you beyond the cards you have been dealt. This is where many people reach the point where they conclude that their life has stagnated and ultimately run its course. They feel that they have hit their ceiling and there is nothing they can do to break through.

I have been here many times before. Having had kids young before I had started my career and everything that came before this, I felt that I had a limit to my success. I had this internalized frustration that many people feel when they believe they have no direction and there are obstacles that prevent them from throwing all their effort into what they want to do or try something new. The idea that I needed to have achieved this goal by this point perpetuated this fear I had that I wasn’t good enough and would never be more than I was.

However, since I had been here many times before, I knew that this was only temporary. Despite being uncomfortable with the current circumstances I was in at one point or another, one thing that was certain was that things would ultimately change. And they did.

Periods of stagnation are not only common but are actually vital to our progression.

Progress is not linear, nor is it consistent in rate of growth as much as we may want it to be. Sometimes we are held back from pursuing certain goals until the time is right because our focus needs to be directed to something more present. This may leave us with time that we want to put towards something out of our reach, focusing on what is in our immediate control, we can cultivate tools and healthy habits to form a stable foundation to build on.

If our basic requirements and needs are not being met then we can’t seek to pursue anything beyond that, as we will not be prepared to handle the added pressure.

Let’s say you go for an interview but you don’t get the job. You go home and your place is a mess and rather than clean up, you allow yourself to become depressed and drink alone feeling sorry for yourself. Cleaning up and looking after yourself may seem like a pointless endeavor when faced with rejection but it is important in the grand scheme of things. Putting in effort and controlling what you can in the face of disappointment builds resilience. You could see this situation as a test, a test of your fortitude and resiliency so that the next time you are faced with an opportunity you are better equipped to deal with the possibility of rejection which will most likely help you to come across as more confident in interview.

This is very much a solitary journey. When you are in a relationship or have children, it can be hard to take time to work on yourself. However, just like building skills to be open and ready for new opportunities, you need to find time to work on yourself when you can so you can be good for others. It can be lonely and sometimes difficult decisions need to be made, but the better you are for yourself, the better are for other people.

Taking time to cultivate our skills when we feel that our lives have run their course prepares us for more opportunities. Without doing this, we become resistant to change and blind to possibilities. There are many things you can do that can aid your growth when you are faced with the prospect of waiting for something to happen:

1. Reading

As opposed to mindlessly consuming content, reading engages your brain to retain more information. Reading decreases stress and improves memory and concentration. It fills your time with productivity rather than consumption which in turn gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

2. Networking

Other people influence our outlook and gaining new connections opens us up to new perspectives and potentially new opportunities. There are so many opportunities available for networking, I personally find that Meetup is a good place to find like minded groups of people involved in anything from fellow foodies to free meditation groups. You can download the Meetup app free on Apple and Google Play.

3. Volunteering

If you are fortunate enough to have a little time during the week to spend time helping other people in the community, this can be extremely enriching and rewarding. Helping others is a good way of finding purpose and gaining perspective on ourselves and our own issues.

4. Being present

It can be very tempting to want to find some form of escapism when we are feeling like we can’t deal with the present. When we feel like our lives are on the wrong trajectory, being in the present and seeing what we can do now to make our current situation better is imperative to gaining perspective and taking control of our immediate environment.

5. Working on your mental health

Feeling as though your life is at a stand still can be a symptom of depression. Having this perspective can be a sign that you need to work through some mental challenges and taking time to re-evaluate your situation and be at peace with how things are can ease your anxiety about the future and negate feelings of depression about the present and what has come before.

6. Getting physical

Taking up fitness or a sport works wonders for your mental health and getting involved in a group sport can help you to build connections with others. Before I began running, I was very overweight and could not envision myself being in any better position than my current circumstances. 10 months later, I had lost 45lbs and was in the best shape of my life. I can now wear clothes with a confidence I had never had before, and I have so much energy throughout the day.

7. Taking a course

Plenty of online learning platforms and local adult education centers offer free or cheap short courses which you can study in your own time. Taking a course can give you knowledge and confidence in an area you were perhaps struggling in which can lead you to pursue other opportunities.

It’s very normal to feel that your life has run its course but when we feel this way, we must reflect logically and see it for what it really is – a period of stagnation. By seeking to control what we can in our immediate environment and turning our attention to the present rather than being overly concerned with the future and what we haven’t achieved yet, we open ourselves up to new opportunities by ensuring we are ready for them when they arrive. Often this can mean letting go or diverting from a path we have set ourselves upon which can be uncomfortable and unnerving. There is no telling what will happen in the future. Sometimes plans fall apart. Sometimes opportunities arise in the most unexpected places. Sometimes our previous decisions turn out to be the wrong ones or made at the wrong time. It’s ok, because three things are certain; change is inevitable, nothing is permanent, and opportunities are everywhere. You just need to make sure you are ready for it.