How to do a self-intervention for anxiety and depression

Depression is a common and sometimes debilitating condition that can make the sufferer lose all motivation and desire to advance themselves. Through a self-intervention plan, you can change your perspective and fight your way out of your depression enough to get on top of things and give you the strength to seek help if you need it.

When we think of an intervention, I’m sure that most of us will recall some terrible hallmark drama where the hapless addict is ambushed by their family and friends and guilt-tripped into changing their ways.

The true definition is simply to intervene with a course of action or to take action to improve a state of being (such as a medical intervention). What I want to share here is what a self-intervention is and how useful they are in establishing, nurturing and maintaining a growth mindset.

I want you to see your mindscape as like a garden. A very large garden with lots of space that you want to fill up to make it more interesting. You might do some landscaping, might put in a fire pit and a pond and a shed and a trampoline and some tropical plants and slowly it becomes a pleasant and interesting place to hang out in. Then, for whatever reason, you decide you are just going to leave it for a while. Winter comes and you neglect to move your tropical plants inside so they die. You don’t weather protect your shed so it gets water damaged and is just used to store all your unwanted stuff that you can’t be bothered to throw away. The pond becomes stagnant, full of algae and duck weed, all the fish die and it’s just an eye sore. The trampoline and fire pit sit rusting and unused and are just a painful and expensive reminder of how you have lost all interest in enjoying being in your garden.

This is what it’s like when you neglect to tackle the issues that accumulate in your mind. That bill you’ve been putting off paying for the last 3 months, it’s not gone away now you have charges as well as lingering anxiety about it. That conversation about boundaries that you’ve been meaning to have with your intrusive parent, not happened when it should have and now their sniper-like insults riddle your psyche, causing you unnecessary aggravation. These things pile up…just like laundry, dirty dishes and gardening tasks. The more you ignore it, the worse it gets. The worry starts to manifest in your life and what was an allegory, may turn into your reality…in your home, in your relationships, at work…everything becomes affected. The only option here is to have a plan of action and get yourself out of this hole you have found yourself in.

So this point is essentially ground zero. You are panicked, anxious, depressed and unmotivated. The following plan can and should be used repeatedly in your mission to achieve a clear, positive and progressive mindset. I personally use this plan to get myself out of my episodes of depression. I’ve practiced it for so long that it’s become habit, so whenever I start to feel a little depressed, that’s usually a sign that something is wrong and I need to pay attention to the things that have taken up space in my mind that I haven’t dealt with, like the veritable sodden old mattress in my garden that I can’t find the time to take to the dump.

1. Address the problems

This is a no-brainer but if you don’t fix the problems first, none of the following steps are going to have any effect. First, you must write down everything that you have been putting off. Absolutely everything. From overdue bills to flossing your teeth. Don’t give yourself any room to think “oh, I can just sort that out later” write it all down. Now guess what? Do those things! Consider how you will work through them; personally I will complete the quickest and easiest tasks first that require the fewest steps. Usually these involve things like cleaning so that when I’m done, I can sit down with a coffee and plough through the rest of my list which usually involves me sitting at my laptop and calling a bunch of people. Working in a clean living space frees you from any distractions surrounding you and stops your eyes and mind from wandering over to unfinished tasks.

2. Remove distractions

When we neglect to tackle our tasks, often times our feelings about the situation linger for a period of time after we have completed the tasks. Sometimes simply getting something done and riding the wave of accomplishment it is not enough to change our mindset. Sometimes we will have an empty feeling inside and seek to find things that ‘fill up’ that void. It’s important to recognize this because it’s this kind of behavior that triggers a lackadaisical attitude towards your responsibilities. When I would get like this, I would binge watch Netflix or YouTube and consume vast amounts of food (seriously, I had a binge eating problem). So now, whenever I get that urge to be lazy and eat, I stop and I recognize that this feeling is going to cause me to go back to square one. I delete all social media apps off my phone, all games, I ‘lose’ my tv remote and I pick up a book or I go for a walk or to the gym. Don’t succumb to your distractions…do something that throws you into the present and into life.

3. Establish a routine

Routine is so important when things are feeling out of control. It gives you a sense of security and sends a message to your brain that says ‘it’s ok, even if everything else falls apart, your house is clean, you are still going to eat at this time, you’re still going to bed at this time and you’re going to wake up at this time’. Routines reduce anxiety and help to establish healthy habits. For me, I know that when everything feels chaotic, I just need to eat before 6pm, put my daughters to bed, do my chores, have a shower and go to bed before 10am. Then I will wake up at about 5am and be fully refreshed and mentally ready for that day. (An important thing to note is that if drinking is something you tend to lean towards when you are feeling bad, that is a habit that needs curbing because out of all bad habits, this is probably the most destructive. Alcohol is a depressant so if you are prone to bouts of depression and a lack of motivation, maybe consider staying away from alcohol. Try to make it a habit to only drink when you are feeling good).

4. Be hard on yourself

I know this sounds counterintuitive but this is not the same kind of being hard on yourself that you may be used to. Depression and anxiety can cause you to have very negative inner talk. Being hard on yourself when you are prone to these kinds of self-damaging thoughts sounds unusual but the kind of thoughts are going to be focused on pushing your towards a goal. When I’m going through it, I will adopt a sort of ‘bossy midwife’ inner dialogue that will say to me “nope, you’re not going to hit snooze on your alarm. You are getting up, you are going for a run and you are coming back to have a shower and a healthy breakfast. I know it’s hard but you have no time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself”. This helps me to shut off my feelings long enough to get stuff done.

5. Have a good morning routine

“Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. There is some truth to that. Rising early, forcing yourself to be a morning person has amazing benefits. People tend to be the most productive between the hours of 9 and 11am. Yet if you are able to wake up an hour before you are due to wake up in order to start getting ready for work, you will have an entire hour to yourself…potentially more depending on how early you are willing to wake up. I wake up every morning at 5am. I go to the kitchen, and I drink a pint of water. I then get ready and go for a half hour run, come back, have a shower, get dressed, do any chores that need doing and then sit at my desk and answer emails and work on my blog. I do this every day. By the time 7am rolls around, half an hour before my kids wake up, I’ve already had 2 hours of productivity and I’ve already worked out, showered and done my own admin. True, I am exhausted by 8pm but I’ve had such a strong start to my day that anything I have to face during my work day is so easy because I don’t have to worry about anything else. Also, ensuring you are getting to bed early and you are tired is going to make sure you sleep well and good sleep is so important if you are going through depression.

The purpose of a self-intervention is to catch yourself before you end up spiraling further and further into depression where you will end up doing, or rather not doing things that lead to making your situation worse. By following these steps, you can see the progression of getting yourself out of a rut and back on track. Continual growth is difficult; it’s anxiety inducing at times and can be very exhausting. But it is imperative to building a good life for yourself and those you love. Don’t get down about feeling down at times…it’s a good sign! Depression and anxiety should just be seen as signals that your mind is telling you to slow down and focus on fixing what you can fix and controlling what you can control. That is what the self-intervention allows you to do.

This plan teaches you adopt an emotionally resilient state. That is not easy for a lot of people, myself included in that. When your emotions are interfering with your ability to concentrate on a task, you need to figure out how to compartmentalize. This doesn’t mean shutting down your emotions completely, it just means that you are choosing to hold down your emotions for a period of time so that you can complete a task and then address them later. It takes practice, but through self-intervention is made so much easier. For more information on resiliency, check out Damon Zahariades’ book The Mental Toughness Handbook. I personally found this book so helpful in terms of regulating and understanding my emotions.

One final thought: if you are struggling with depression and intrusive thoughts, please seek help. Doing good things for yourself and being proactive is a good way to give you the confidence to know that you are very capable but ultimately, depression is an illness and you cannot ignore thoughts of suicide or self harm. If things are getting that bad, keep working on your self-intervention and seek help from a professional. Sometimes we need a little bit of help to keep us on track and as much as keeping a good routine and good habits can help, sometimes it's not enough. There are so many charities that can help, Mind is a mental wellbeing charity that is highly rated and they can help you to find the best support. You can contact them on 0300 123 3393 or email them at info@mind.org.uk.